A surge of thoughts erode my mind, imposing on my world the raw and uncut ME. As I delve deeper and deeper into the space of who I am and the role I play, I thoroughly explore the difference between the two. The characters I play in life fueled by my hidden commitments has impose so many limitations: in order to be safe, in order to be hidden, in order to look good, in order to be right, in order to be the victim… A life “in order to” is a life of quiet desperation, no satisfaction. Realizing who I am being and who I really am, now complicates everything in the eyes of my character, sick to the stomach I feel like running; which is the norm for the character, who love to run away when confronted with truth and reality- my own reality. I have been inauthentic in so many ways with so many people, but what really get me is that more than all, I have been inauthentic with me. Denied myself, sabotage myself, underestimated myself, undermined me, punishing myself, blaming myself. The undeclared me begging to be free. I search the entirety of my being, my life a script filled with characters; really great actors...role play, 1 2 3 Action and here we go again...
By: Maharri
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